23 Nov Lonely Mum
Is it just me or as a mother do you feel incredibly lonely?
I had always thought and presumed that when I had children I would never feel lonely. After all, they always around, constant company. But sometimes that constant company is just too much. Or is it because I want different company?????
I have always been someone who isn’t very good at being on their own. I’m all good for a day or two but after that I definitely need someone to talk too or just be around others. The more time I spend on my own the more alone I become. So when I became a mother I always thought I would be OK, as I would have mum friends and my child to spend time with. Plus, back to that constant company…….
I love my Mum friends, I’m so glad I was part of an ante natal group and a Space group (Supporting Parents Alongside Children’s Education). I have met some amazing women, and their babies. Although some of them now are approaching their fourth birthdays and have siblings now. We all come from different families and have had various life experiences between us. In big groups, I find you are more drawn to some individuals, for whatever reason. I feel this has become apparent within this group of friends, we all still get on. I know I can count on them and I’m honoured to refer to them as dear friends.
Although I know I can ask for help, I won’t. I feel I can’t and shouldn’t, they all have their own family to take care of. And I don’t want to be a bother. Plus I don’t know about you, but I find it incredibly hard to ask for help. I mean who wants to be the one person who puts their hand up and says “I can’t handle this Mum gig, I’m soooooo lonely”. But aren’t we all in the same boat? If so, why is it hard for some Mum’s to say “hey, I’m really struggling, I need help!!!!!!!!!”
I find the days when I’m home with my two kiddies under the age three, fun, challenging and can I say lonely? They are a constant form of company, but I am lonely. I crave adult conversation, another adult to share the parenting responsibility with and just to talk about anything. I will often take the two of them to the park, we are fortunate to have quite a few choose from. I like to pack up the car and drive to one of the ones in town. The kids can run around, (tire themselves out for a nap later in the day) and we all her some fresh air and soak up some vitamin D. Some times I have arranged to meet other mum friends there and that is great, the adult company is not far away!!!! Several times I take the kids on my own, and not wanting to be a ‘bother’ I don’t arrange to meet anyone. Each time I figured I’d be alright, “I have the kids with me”, but no. I look at the other groups of mums their chatting amongst themselves whilst their kids play, suddenly I feel very alone and sad.
So Mums what can I do? What can WE do to not feel so lonely on the road of Motherhood. I have recently been walking most mornings with a friend I hadn’t seen properly for months, it’s good for our health, happiness and above all our friendship. I have also been trying to catch up with other friends I haven’t seen for a while and book in play dates. I hate to be lonely, but it is also hard to break the cycle. Talking to a blogger friend across the ditch has also been good for my soul lately. I guess for me by admitting I get lonely at times is helpful, we all need each other, right ladies?
I would love to hear any thoughts anyone has on this topic, thanks.