Why did I say no to the epidural!?

Have kids they said, it’s beautiful they said… absolutely! Having my little bundle of joy in my arms is one of the most fulfilling and magical experience I’ve ever had but let’s fast forward approximately 57 hours!

My midwife from about 32 weeks had told me my inner cervix was open slightly which would most likely result in an early labour… in all the doctors and midwives words; “WAAAY before the due date, you’ll be lucky to get to 36 weeks” so hubby and I were on high alert from about 34 weeks onwards. It was extremely stressful and I keep googling “how will I know when I’m in labour?” Every article and forum was saying, YOU WILL KNOW, & I just couldn’t believe it, I kept thinking surely it’s not worse than my period pain which has always been excruciating.

Every ache and every pain, we’d be on the phone to the midwife, grabbing the keys to the car just to hear, “you’ll know don’t worry”
Weeks went by and still nothing! 38 weeks and I was convinced I would be one of those overdue pregnancies. My 40week day came around and I was sitting on the couch completely done! I was worried if I’d ever not be pregnant.

Hubby was trying to distract me and we had a super sweet night in, he ran me a bath and organised one of my favourite movies for the night. As most mums will know, falling asleep mid way is a given when pregnant… Heavily pregnant. Hubby didn’t want to wake me but guess who did… baby! It was Saturday night and an overwhelming, completely shocking, body torturing pain came over me and woke me from my slumber! I basically woke up yelling and my husband thought, this is it! the pain lasted only a few seconds and stopped like nothing had happened. I was scared, saying oh no! that was horrible & it’s only going to get worse!? About 15 minutes later, the pain again! BANG! This time I freaked out and thought sleep would get rid of the pain. Remember that thing? Sleep *sigh*

So I got ready for bed and it happened again… this time I called the hospital and they told me that it must happen every few minutes and it’s way too early to come in. Contraction after contraction and both hubby and I didn’t sleep, the pain was getting worse and worse. Sunday morning came along and the we started timing the contractions and they still weren’t quite at 5 mins apart yet but it was intense. Keeping my cool, I was just suffocating quietly. I needed my own personal fan person to blow air on my constantly: oh that’s right, I had one… my husband the main reason for this pain.

Sunday night came and I had to go into the hospital, I thought the baby was ready, I felt ill and I was tired. But they only said I was 3cm dilated and to go home… So off we went.

Another sleepless night. This was worse, I remember slapping my husbands arm every time I felt the pain. I was walking up and down the corridor and I was sweating! Bang! Another pain. The relief of when those contractions would stop was bliss! I literally would feel this happiness, I don’t think I ever felt.
Monday morning came. I called mum… every women needs their mumma even when they are just about to become one! Mum and hubby were fanning me, getting me water… by this stage I was laying on the floor cause it was the only thing to cool me down. In and out of the shower, I was taken! I didn’t know what else to do. My legs were weak and I was scared!

At this stage, I told them I needed to go to the hospital because frankly, I was f###ed!

Mum went home and it was just hubby and I in the car, I was really feeling it worse! The bumps on the road were killing me and I thought that it just couldn’t get any worse and I was having this baby in the car… 8pm we got to the hospital… went through all the routine checks and I was offered gas! I took it but couldn’t feel it helping. I was just counting down the minutes when I’d feel the pain and it was tiring.

Sleep. I tried and just couldn’t! I had bub back to back so my back was in agony, I had my husband break his arm to rub my back, I swear it was hours and hours and he was still at it because if it stopped, I wouldn’t be happy!

I was then offered other drugs but refused. Which is probably the most, let’s say bravest things I could have done! TAKEEE THE DRUGS GIRLS!

Monday night came. Yet another sleepless night with the contractions becoming worse and more frequent. Tuesday morning came and they told me they’d have to break my water… now for some reason, I thought that it was going to hurt more and I asked but they assured me it wasn’t going to be “any worse than it has been” thanks for the words girls, go ahead!

Water everywhere! I felt like I was pissing my pants and then it hit me. Remember earlier, I said how excruciating that pain that woke me? Well this was like someone had torn into me, stabbing my insides and scratching my uterus.

Not to scare any of you mums to be but GEE I can’t even explain! I was literally passing out in between pushes from how much my body was working to push this baby out. I remember having mini dreams then waking up from the pain and puuuuuuusssshhhhh – pass out & puuuuush.. the midwife was great but when you’re in that much pain you don’t want to hear how great you’re doing, you want to know how much longer… I was saying “HOW MANY MORE HOURS!?” And they’d reply, not long. I hated it! I needed to know. I felt like I was dying and then the head crowned.

My midwife was saying, it’s gonna feel like a burning sensation now and that’s exactly what it was… someone ignited my vagina. I was screaming and pushing. I was trying to push harder but they kept telling me to slow down. “push slowly, we can see the head…he has so much hair” I was thinking omg please hurry up, this hurts! This was a Chinese burn feeling but downstairs, yuck.

And then after an hour of that, I held my baby and pulled him out of me. It was surreal and a huge blur.

All that pain, it disappeared and I had the most beautiful little thing in my arms. I looked at my husband and he was in tears. We were both shocked that we created this tiny, beautiful, mesmerising human.

Then, the placenta had to come… that was easy. I didn’t even noticed what my body was doing because I was in awe by this baby that I loved before I had even met but meeting made my life have meaning.

And that’s when I knew, it was all worth it and my life just started.


About the Author

I’m a 27 year old new mummy and loving it!

Website : https://Instagram.com/aston.wolf

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/veronika.paige

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/veronikaa__p/