The things no one tells you

As a first-time Mum to a 6-month-old baby, I have noticed over these past months there are a lot of things that no one tells you. You go to your antenatal/parenting classes, read all the books and google pretty much everything to do with pregnancy and labour, but what about what happens afterwards? Here I am going to list the subjects I feel were never mentioned to me, in a bid to try and help other first time mums and mums to be, become prepared of what lies ahead after delivery…

Your hormones

No one mentioned this to me and I was unprepared for what hit me. Imagine watching the saddest film you know whilst going through a break up and being on your period, that’s how it felt for me. There I was, first day home with my gorgeous brand new baby and BAM! The hormones hit, suddenly I was so upset and I had no reason to be, I was so confused. The days before in hospital I had been fine, more than fine, I was over the moon and filled to the brim with glee at the sight of my new born baby. So why did I now feel so terrible? At some point through your pregnancy, there will be one person that will blame something on your hormones, feeling a bit touchy today? Hormones. Feeling unsettled? Hormones. It’s the strangers answer to pretty much everything pregnancy related. And I must agree, a lot of the emotions you feel whilst carrying your bundle of joy are down to hormones, yet no one explains what happens to those extra hormones once said bundle of joy is here. Be prepared, for some women there is no difference whatsoever, but for any women who are like me and highly emotional anyway, make sure you have support around you. It is completely normal to feel sad/confused/numb/overwhelmed after having a baby, you have just put your mind and body through a tough time. Your brain will be telling your body to get itself back to normal ASAP and feeling all those random emotions is just your body’s way of levelling itself back out. I believe the term for this is ‘baby blues’, it is important that if you continue to feel this way, seek support and talk about your feelings!

Engorged boobs

I knew that there was obviously going to be some sort of swelling with my boobs due to my milk coming in a few days after birth, but no one told me to what extent. I’ve heard people say that the day your milk comes in you end up with boobs like Dolly Parton, now in my head, when I imagine this, I think of big bouncing boobs. That’s is not the case, or at least it wasn’t for me. My milk came in on day 3 and didn’t I know about it. Yes, they were big, but they were hard and so swollen they were misshapen. They were heavy and veiny and aching (painting a lovely picture for you all here). I thought there was something wrong with me! I remember calling my Mum in tears explaining that I was growing a monstrosity on my chest and luckily, she explained it all to me. Don’t worry this only lasts for a few days until things settle down. As I’m breastfeeding, sometimes the engorged boob will return but it isn’t painful, it just feels like I’m a little too full and need emptying slightly. The advice I have for all mums to be, is when you are approaching your due date, buy a cabbage. Yes, I know this sounds mad but I wish someone had told me before than after. When you are feeling really engorged and achy, pull of a few cabbage leaves and stick them down your top, it is magic and it will work wonders.

Lochia (blood after birth)

A topic that gets mentioned but not to its full extent. We all know that we bleed after giving birth (well at least I hope we all do) but there really is nothing like it. For the first day after giving birth I was fitted with a catheter and had to adjust my knickers around it, including pads. Every time I stood or shifted, I leaked everywhere, but honestly after the labour I had a bit of blood didn’t really bother me. Best advice I can give is be prepared, I had XXXL sanitary towels, disposable knickers my friends had bought me at my baby shower (underrated gift) and big lady pants, if you are going to buy these make sure they have elastic around the gusset so that they feel secure and snug and keep all the padding in. Honestly, the things us women must go through…

Going to the toilet after birth

Obviously, you know it is going to hurt a little, I mean come on, you’ve just pushed a baby out of your lady parts. I guess this applies more to the ladies that tore, me being one of them, but everyone can have a go at it. Take a water bottle to the toilet with you, no you will not look stupid, just trust me on this one. As you go for a wee pour the water on yourself down below and it helps to neutralise your urine so that it doesn’t sting. You might feel a bit silly but I’m sure you would rather feel silly than be in pain. And as for going for a number 2 (a lovely topic, but we all do it), it will feel weird, especially if you had a vaginal birth. All that pushing you did has put a massive amount of pressure on your bowels, so the best thing to do is if you feel like you need to go then go and don’t force anything to happen just let nature take its course. Also, don’t make the mistake I did and think you must tell your midwife about every time you go to the toilet unless they ask you to, I told my midwife I had done a number 2 and she asked where (weird question to ask), so I said the toilet and she then said okay I’ll go get it in a minute. Before I had chance to explain to her I thought I needed to tell her, she had run off to the toilet to collect my poo! Luckily, I had made sure to flush!

Afterpains

I first experienced these whilst I was breastfeeding, I had no idea what was going on at all, no one had ever mentioned anything to me about pain AFTER birth. I was almost doubled over, I felt like I was going into labour again. Every time my baby fed from me, I would have to stop myself from pulling him away as they were so painful. Now that I have done a little research into what theses cramps are it all makes sense, when your baby is feeding from you it triggers the release of oxytocin. This then triggers the contractions, apparently, this is your body’s way of helping with the blood loss, in my opinion, I think it is just your body’s way of torturing you all over again. In all honesty, it is nothing to worry about, it is completely normal so don’t let it take you by surprise like I did! If your pains do continue for more than 3-4 days it is recommended that you seek medical support, just to rule anything else out.

I hope I haven’t scared you all too much! Having a baby is the best thing in the world, no one can doubt that, and going through pregnancy, labour and all the above is so worth it. At the time of going through these things, I didn’t have a clue if they were right or wrong and some days I thought my body and my mind were losing it. Your first few days, weeks after birth feel like they are endless but months later you will feel like they have come and gone. Everything does heal and everything does get better, don’t be afraid to speak out if you are worried about something or are feeling emotional. You just had a baby! Don’t be so tough on yourself to become 100% straight away, mum’s that seem like they have it all together 99% of the time are feeling the exact same way as every other mum, they are just better at hiding it! To all mum’s out there you are doing an awesome job, parenting is hard and relentless, you must look after yourself!


About the Author

A first time mum living with my fiance, baby and dog in Scotland, 250 miles away from family and winging it through life!

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