You know when you’re pregnant and everyone that has kids thinks it’s a good idea telling you all the bad things about being a parent? How your kids will give you grey hairs, and that your “baby brain” never goes away…I didn’t really think my life would be that different post-baby (good one, idiot.) Having a baby gives stress a whole new meaning, like literally gave me grey hairs, it’s like watching your own heart exist outside of your body.

I have always understood post traumatic stress disorder, but I thought it only happened to people that experienced major life traumas, like soldiers that served in war, or someone that had a horrific car accident – little did I know it’s extremely common for mum’s (like me) to suffer from it, and shit did it hit me like a tonne of bricks.

Zach’s copped a few nasty – but very common – bugs/health problems in his first year of life… tongue tie, reflux, inguinal hernia, pneumonia and gastro just to name a few. The tongue tie, reflux and hernia operation were in that “zombie” phase of motherhood where you don’t really remember how you or the baby survived. But, at seven months Zach developed pneumonia and we had a few days stay in the local hospital. He needed some help breathing with tubes pumping purified air into his lungs and had a nasal gastric tube into his stomach just in case he got too dehyrated.

If you’re thinking how awful it would be to see a seven month old have a tube shoved up their nose, into their stomach, you’re on the right track – it was fucking horrific and I’m glad he won’t remember it, but it screwed me up something shocking. Zach got better quickly and after an X-ray to confirm it was pneumonia and a course of antibiotics, his chest cleared up and he was back to his happy, cheeky self… but I didn’t bounce back quite as well.

For anyone that has kids, you’re probably used to putting your feelings/emotions/needs/personal hygiene to the bottom of the priority list, so when Zach was sick I just soldiered on for him, because that’s what parents do. After a few weeks of feeling pretty down to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed, and my bedroom became like a jail, I ended up seeing a doctor a few times. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and signs of post natal depression. All I could think about when the doctor said those words to me, was how much of a sook I must be to make the horrible situation that Zach has just gone through, about me…continued in part 2.

I am in no way offering medical advice, and each individual should talk to a medical professional with any concerns.

About the Author

Hey! I’m Jess, a 20-something year old mum of a cheeky one year old; Zachary, partner to my wonderful best friend Jassi but more importantly, I’m a lover of cats & selfies. That pretty much sums me up… that and I’m a full time uni student, part-time employee and full blown time freak – Seriously, I hate being late. That being said, what makes me think I have time to start a blog? #yolo