28 Aug Stop Nagging On Deaf Ears
Yelling and nagging is not the type of mother I aspired to be. I regret the way I parented in the early days of my son’s life. I was a single mum and frustrated that he never listened or did what I wanted him to do, at least not the first time. I knew I needed to change; there must be another way than repeating myself on deaf ears and demanding all the time. Life was not enjoyable and I was becoming someone I didn’t like. Fast forward ten years with some wisdom, experience and four children thankfully I parent completely different. One with long term results benefitting my children, rather than a quick fix to meet my immediate needs.
Yelling does not make you popular. But when our kids aren’t listening, we repeat ourselves, repeat louder and louder. We instruct them what to do and when to do it. When I would tell my son what to do I was taking away his growth, his independence and making him dependent on me longer than he needed to. I was copying the way I was parented. I was controlling him just like I had been controlled as a child. I finally had my wake up call. Time to change.
I realised I was I was teaching my son not to think for himself. I was teaching him laziness. But most of all I was stunting his growth. Instead, I should have shown him how to become independent, given him responsibility and let him make his own choices. This way he would have learnt confidence in himself far earlier than he did.
Now I parent giving choices with no expectation. I am no longer a nag, and my children have the freedom of choice. I explain the consequences of each choice and then it is up to them. They quickly learn the difference between a good choice and a bad choice. When I asked my daughter to pick up her toys I explained if she were to leave them on the ground they may get damaged. She was old enough to make the choice and she knew of the consequences. She made a bad choice and left them overnight, only to find the dog had eaten the head off one of her dolls. This lesson had far more impact than me telling her what to do and she learnt very quickly to choose differently next time. Instead of telling my step son to study my husband gives him the choice. A poor mark on a recent exam was enough motivation to make a better choice next time. There was no yelling, no instructing and the lesson was learnt through choice. My stepson was given guidance to study but he made a poor choice. Lesson learnt.
Even as adults we learn from choices. We learn to do better next time if we make a mistake. By letting children learn through choices you are building their confidence and self belief. They learn in their own time rather than meeting our needs and they are developing their own independence. No one likes to have their freedom taken away from them. This model of parenting allows for equality between you and your child. You can never alleviate tension completely; however, parenting will be far more fulfilling as you watch your child grow into a capable, confident and independent young adult.
About the Author
Deanne comes with a deep seeded passion to inspire, to teach and to help others grow. What excites her is when others are excited about embracing change and seeking enrichment in life. Deanne has found fulfilment in supporting parents. As a mum, step mum, Parent Coach, Spiritual Counsellor Deanne walks her talk and applies her parenting approach within her family daily. Her approach with clients is gentle but direct getting to the root of the cause and then supporting change step by step towards long term positive outcomes. Deanne believes that children deserve to grow into who they came here to be and Deanne is passionate about making that happen.