11 Sep Feelings Matter

Imagine being dragged to the hairdressers and having all your hair cut against your will.  Imagine being made to eat a food which makes you feel sick inside.  Imagine being told to go to sleep when you are not tired.  It is not that long ago that the authoritarian parent was the way to bring up your child.  But let’s face it, it we put ourselves in the examples mentioned we would feel frustrated, unheard, angry and resentful.

An overbearing parent causes a nervous child. The child develops fear and struggles for independence.  They learn to please others at the cost of their own needs.  My girlfriend has a 9 year old son and he wants to wear his hair long at shoulder length.  She comes from a strict background and she cannot bring herself to accept her son’s wishes.  She has his hair cut regularly at a number 2.  Now this is giving him a feeling of resentment towards her, a dislike of the hairdresser, feeling uncomfortable with his body image and sadness of not being heard or understood.  He “acts out” in attempt to be heard and then gets in trouble for not behaving.

It is a simple thing but very real. If she were to let him have his hair the way he wants some of his negative behaviour would no longer be necessary.  So many times we don’t realise that we are controlling and overbearing taking away our children’s right to feel heard and make choices.  By putting yourselves in your child’s shoes and seeing their point of view, you are acknowledging their independence and their ability to make their own decisions.

In this day and age it is not necessary for our children to suffer the symptoms of poor parenting.  By allowing your child to be itself it will boost their confidence, self belief, promote positivity and be strong in mind and independence.  Now that’s got to feel better than the alternative.

About the Author

As the Founder of Parent with Passion, I am helping kids by helping mums and dads. I support parents to parent in a way that gives children independence and confidence.  I promote a spiritual approach to parenting which is gentle but direct with a perspective from the child’s point of view. Taking into account that children mirror the behaviour of their parents we often need to change ourselves and then our children will follow. Parenting by giving choices rather than instructing or nagging, parenting becomes more fulfilling and enjoyable.  I believe that children deserve to grow into who they came here to be and I am passionate about making that happen.

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