When less is best.

Usually I write about myself…*cough* I know, I know *cough*. But today, something has been bugging me. I have my two beautiful little biological babies and I have my two big non-biological step babies. I love all these kids with the same amount of unconditionality. They all have equal pieces of my heart. We share the big ones. Three nights a week they are with their nightmare. That’s a tame name. I have many more which maybe I will save for another rainy day and blog. We miss them. They miss us. The littles miss them. They miss the littles. My kids have always been with me. My partner isn’t their biological father, but he is their Dad. DNA means nothing in this house. When I had my daughter, her bio was horrible. She was preemie and fragile but it was all about him. In fact, it always had been. Who am I kidding?! He left when she was about 6 months old. No biggy- I did it all alone anyway…and it actually was easier as he was like a big man child himself. We stayed split for awhile. He came back. He lived out of a bag and was mostly in the spare crappy room down the hall. He liked it- he got sleep. I liked it- I didn’t have to see him. Somehow…in an impulsive lapse of brain waves and stupidity, I slept with the idiot. BAM. Pregnant again. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my kids. I regret who he is to them. He was unhappy. Told me to ‘get rid of it’, claimed it wasn’t his- the usual narcissitic traits in a man flowed like a forceful current down a stream. He was away a lot while I was pregnant. Not at all supportive. I still worked. I did everything as per usual. He did whatever he wanted, as per usual. No responsibilities. The world had not changed for him one bit. We found out it was a boy. He was estatic. All I could think of was ‘Please don’t turn out like him!’. Thankfully he hasn’t, and because of his ‘Dad’, he never will. Two weeks after my emergency c-section (which was botched) and having my crazy 20 month daughter running around like crazy 20 month old toddlers do… he left. For good. It was the best day of my life. He moved in with his mum and I didn’t have to think of him or worry about him ever again. It didn’t feel like that at the time. It was horrible. I had just had a baby! I was sore, sleepy and sensitive. That was in June 2016. In September of that year he moved five hours away to be with his new girlfriend. Another great day in my life. He was gone from the area. He saw the kids sporadically. Maybe once a week leading up to the move. I applied for full custody in October and had a date set for March 2017. I got it. He got two hours a fortnight. Two hours a fortnight- supervised. He didn’t take up this offer until November 2017. He went for over a year without seeing them. I was happy. The least amount of contact with such a vile human, the better. The thing that stings though is that he is violent. I have an order against him. Many before me had one as well. He has been to jail for firearms offences and drug offences. He physically assaulted me while pregnant with both my kids and after- sometimes while they were in my arms. He still got visitiation. Something is really wrong here. Pled guilty. Found guilty. Still allowed to be around children he potentially could’ve seriously injured in one of his rages. Since November 2017, he has had seven visits. I dread the day and my partner can tell when they are looming. I withdraw. I’m anxious for my babies. But yesterday I got a great phone call. He can’t make the next visit. He is going on a ‘family holiday’. Best. News. Ever. Why? Because it’s not a family holiday- it falls on one of his competition days for his chosen sport. And this tells me in a hundred different ways- he hasn’t changed. He is still a bad parent. He is still selfish. His priorities revolve around him. And my partner and I will revel in getting twice the hugs, kisses and love. Sometimes less is best. In this case, less bio dad is best.


About the Author

I’m from a small township on the beautiful mid north coast of NSW. I am a Primary Teacher and currently work part time. On my days off, I spend time with my little ones- Indi and Beau. My partner and I are due to get married in 2019 to complete our family of six. I am a step mum to his beautiful kids, Aria and Bailey.  My kids Dad is pretty much non existent and they have a “Dad” in the man who cares, loves and raises them.