10 Aug Postnatal Depression (PND) – Authentically Me

Well. My dream to have a baby – after three miscarriages – seemed to be coming true. And then he was born in May last year. What a miracle. Yes. And a pretty amazing pregnancy (aside from the 17 weeks of vomiting) and an even more incredible labour.

And then there were three.

I thought being a stay at home mum was all about going out for coffee, pushing your pram through the shops as you stroll and browse. I didn’t know about the lack of sleep, the MAJOR (did I mention major?) change in lifestyle, the fact that I couldn’t do a single thing on my own anymore, the change in my purpose – no longer about me and my career but about our son. I would be lying if I told you that all this change didn’t shock to me to my core.

And then came the postnatal depression. I honestly thought that it wasn’t a real thing. I am sorry (ashamed) to admit such a thing. Call it lack of knowledge. Call it lack of ever experiencing anyone who had suffered from it and shared that with me.

Please forgive me.

Some women cry and feel sad and cant eat and cant get out of the house and suffer the real depression side of it. I, instead, became angry. I have yelled and I have punched things (the lounge and the mattress). I was not a swearer and all of a sudden I became one. I have stamped my feet like a two year old.  I have wanted to run away. I have had panic attacks over buying nappies (seems irrational right?). I have spoken to and treated my husband in ways I would never dream of doing. I have spent days wanting so badly to start again, to start fresh. I have spent days missing my old life, the old me. I would never want to be without him now that he is here but I will admit that there have been moments where I have envied those who have kids that are older, in school, or have even left home. I guess it is pretty bad when you are trying to jump ahead into the future twenty years just in the hope that you feel better.

This has sucked. There is no other word for it. None.

I am getting there. I have strategies in place. I have (thank GOD), the most patient and gracious husband (and child) ever created.

Why am I sharing this? To urge you sweet mama to be ok with not being ok. To tell someone. To share your heart. To be vulnerable. To ask for help. To seek support. To be kind and gentle to yourself.

You. Yes you. Are doing an incredible job. And you. Yes you. Are the best mother for your child. You are made for this very role.

About the Author

Shannon lives in Mackay, North Queensland, with her husband Rog, her gorgeous son Max and her cute puppy Hamish. She is an early intervention and behaviour teacher but is currently loving being a stay at home mama. Shannon loves drinking tea, spending time with those she loves and running to keep fit. She believes that miracles can be seen in every day life (even during those times that bring the most pain).