21 Nov Selfish or Selfless – Where does Motherhood stand?

When I was pregnant, I was worried. Not about the baby (well I was, but that’s a different story), but about my relationship with my hubby. I was worried that we wouldn’t get to spend time together anymore. And by time, I mean QUALITY time. I am a big time person – time with my husband has always been my favourite thing. So I worried and stressed about it during the pregnancy. It was actually probably the biggest concern I had. Selfish, right?

As it came closer to d-day (delivery day!), I started to worry about losing sleep and my freedom to sit around watching Netflix all day. Or my freedom to just do whatever I wanted. Selfish again, huh?

Then we had our beautiful son. And everything changed.

The first thing we noticed was the sleep deprivation. My goodness, was it a doozy! There are photos of hubby and I in the hospital with the little guy where we look absolutely smashed. It took a heavy toll. And we started to think – when would we ever sleep normally again? Yep, same old selfish person, right here.

I had some minor issues with the birth, causing some strain on my body physically. Those first few days were extremely painful, and I wondered if I’d ever heal properly? Selfish.

Then we were finally able to get home to our unit, and we tried to adjust to life as parents to this tiny little human who depended on us for everything. And I’ll be honest, I complained a lot in those first few weeks – my breasts hurt, my body hurt, I was exhausted, the baby wouldn’t sleep, the baby had to be changed for the billionth time that day. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

But then something happened. Our little man smiled at me. This genuine, gummy, gorgeous smile. My heart melted, and I knew he had me forever. That’s when my mindset changed.

I would get up in the middle of the night to calm him down, feed him, change him and put him back to sleep, only to do it again within a couple of hours despite my exhaustion. I don’t think that’s selfish – that’s putting your child’s needs above your own. I think that’s pretty selfless.

I looked after him as best as I could when I was physically sick. And when I couldn’t do it to the best of my abilities, I called in the ‘grandparent backup’ because I couldn’t stand the thought of my son not being looked after 100%. Again, I think that’s pretty selfless.

Time has now become about the three of us spending quality family time together instead of just hubby and I (although that’s still important too), so we can grow as a family and show each other love. We constantly think about our son even when he’s gone to bed for the night, rather than reminiscing about the ‘good ol days’.

I am someone who struggles with anxiety. There are times where I have endless waves of worry wash over me, over small trivial things to major issues. In the days of pregnancy, when I had no idea what motherhood would be like, and in the early weeks of having a newborn, I think I was pretty selfish. I worried about how my life had changed, how I was losing parts of myself and my identity to this tiny human, and how I wasn’t going to be the same again.

However, after I had time to adjust, and when that first gorgeous smile hit us, I knew. My life had changed for the better, and I would do anything for this little boy. My identity was as a mum, and I absolutely love it.

I don’t think I’m perfect (heck, I think I’m far from it – ironically, I’m a bit of a ‘perfectionist’), and I am never 100% selfless, but I’m working at it. I think at times motherhood is both selfish and selfless. We still worry about lack of sleep. We still (well, I know I do at least!) get frustrated if they won’t sleep during the day so you can get work done. But I think overtime, it becomes a bit less selfish and a bit more selfless.