17 Dec Get Your Girl Gang On

I was up late drinking with two of my Girl Gang last night and it’s got me thinking about friendships and motherhood and how things change, whether you want them to or not. By nature I am a super sensitive person and care deeply about the people in my life. When it comes to my best girls, I am fierce. I love them hard and would, if I had anything to do with it, see them every day. Obviously they have partners and babies and lives and other friends, which I guess I don’t mind, but yes, I want to be with them. My best girls fill my cup. They pick me up when I’m down, they think of me and let me know they are, they support me in the most loyal of ways and if someone or something is upsetting me, they say all the right things, basically they have my back. The trouble is when I became a Mum, these badass girl gang mates, were working. They had five days a week of schedules and meetings and events and I had five days a week, well seven days a week, twenty four hours a day of breastfeeding, changing nappies, chores and long days stretched ahead of me at home.So what did I do? Be lonely and go a bit insane, yep tried that some days or get out there and find new mates. Finding new mates is never easy, finding new Mummy mates is a whole new world. You’re sleep deprived, feeling pretty vulnerable, not looking your best, can only really manage short sentences, all of which involve something about your baby’s sleeping or eating patterns (no wonder your old mates aren’t around) and then you have to go out there and strike up conversations and be interesting enough for them to want to arrange a coffee, or confident enough to ask for their number? Yep exactly, mind blowing.

However, the wonderful thing about Mummies is they all have one thing in common, they all have babies and, ok so two, they love to talk about their babies. There are plenty of easy openers, ‘How old is your little one’, ‘What’s their name?’ etc and lot’s of easy replies, ‘ah she’s so sweet’, ‘it’s a great/crazy age’ (you pick) and so on. The other beauty of other Mums is that if there are awkward silences, noone notices. They are too distracted by their little ones climbing something, crying or pooing to even have time for a thought like that, or they’ll just be thinking, the same thing as you, what must she think of me??…because sadly with motherhood, comes a lot of insecurities.

You’re in a whole new world. I guess it’s like a new job. You’re in this big new role, you’ve stepped into the CEO position but have had no real training or career ladder climbing to get there. You feel exposed, alone and yes a bit terrified. With all this and the aftermath of birth, you can feel like you have no idea what you’re doing and forget to trust yourself. So much conflicting advice, so many books, so many comments from well meaning relatives, your head is spinning. Then in the midst of all this, you find a Mum mate. Maybe at a baby sensory group or something like that and while you’re both zoning out to the flashing lights, you get talking. She seems to feel exactly the same as you, oh she also co sleeps, feeds on demand, doesn’t bother washing the dummy, whatever it is and you feel better, lighter, less alone. You realise there are Mums out there who are also struggling (note; we’re ALL struggling) and you arrange to meet again next week. Next time you meet for a coffee, those coffees turn into drinks in the pub on Saturday afternoons with your other halves and then suddenly that Mum mate is a mate, a full blown one who you want to see every day, a fully fledged girl gang mate who has your back and even better, gets it, just really gets it.

So if you’re going out today, your dry shampoo is shaken in place, last night’s pants are still on but yes, you’re up and dressed. Then go out, hold your sleep deprived head held high and get your girl gang on.