06 Feb Fed REALLY IS best
I’m just going to say it… breastfeeding is hard! For something that is the most natural thing in the world for a woman to do, why is it that some of us fail and others are so successful? Is it the amount of books I read while pregnant? Is it my genetics I inherited from my parents? Did I have enough skin to skin with my baby when she was born? Did I try hard enough? No matter what the reason was I was unsuccessful.
I was devastated to say the least. I had attended lactation classes and read books and websites all about breastfeeding, I felt that I was totally prepared to feed my baby. When she arrived it was the most incredible feeling in the world, this little life I was now responsible for and I couldn’t wait to start our life together. The moment she first latched on it didn’t feel right so I sought help from a lactation consultant immediately. We spent her first day and night on earth determined to get her latch right, hours and hours she fed for trying to bring my milk in. By the second day I was not only exhausted but in extreme pain, from both the labour and her constant feeding, there was not enough lanolin cream in the world to help with this pain. My heart was breaking every time she would cry while feeding, clearly she wasn’t getting what she needed. I remember sitting there on the bed in the hospital with the nurse squeezing and squeezing trying to get something out… not even a ml came out. I finally decided that I needed to be at home with my husband in the hopes it would help my stress levels and in turn my milk supply.
After the all clear from the hospital, my husband and I left with our little buddle of joy. I remember feeling more and more anxiety the further away we got from the hospital but I took a deep breath and told myself everything would be ok. Everything was prepared at home for her arrival and I was excited to have her in our home. Once we got home I paid close attention to her feeding cues and fed her on demand which was required to bring my milk in. Day after day, night after night I spent with her constantly feeding and crying. The health nurses that came around to my home gave me advice on how to help her and myself get feeding established. I did everything they said to bring her weight up, which included pumping in between feeding and topping her up with expressed breastmilk, which did little to satisfy her as it was only 10ml or so.
It was not until after she had been at home for a week and my milk still hadn’t come in, that my husband had finally had enough. He told me he couldn’t bare to see me in this much pain and her in this much distress any longer and that he was going out to buy her formula. I finally broke down completely and agreed. It was like I needed permission to do this, which seems crazy right?! I didn’t want to disappoint my husband or daughter by giving up but it felt like both myself and my daughter were at breaking point. She wasn’t putting on weight, our bond was not really there and I was so out of my mind from lack of sleep and constantly feeding, it was just too much. My husband returned with formula and I fed my daughter until she was satisfied, it felt both good and terrible at the same time. I never thought I would be jealous of something like this but once she was the calmest I had seen her since she was born I knew it was the right thing.
My daughter is now almost 3 months old and is thriving on formula. The bond with my daughter is so strong and I finally feel like I am becoming the mother I was meant to be. I feel so grateful to be able to still maintain her nutritional needs despite my inability to breastfeed. As time goes on I feel less and less guilty and I know that at the end of the day, when she is all grown up, it won’t matter whether she was breastfed or formula fed. So for any mother who is struggling out there, do what’s best because fed really is best.
About the Author
Hi my name is Rhiannen and I am a new stay at home. My husband and I live in Perth, Western Australia with our new daughter Clara. I am just a new mum exploring all the things motherhood has to offer and loving every minute of it.
Website: https://themotherchroniclesblog.wordpress.com
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/the.mother.chronicles/